We are a year and then some in to this journey of ours, and I feel like reflecting. Sometimes I feel like I’ve figured it out, and I know what I’m doing. Sometimes I feel just as lost and confused as I did when it all began, the only difference being that I now have a voice and I know how to use it. I’m learning along the way, but I’m getting better at it all. I will always try my hardest. I want you to know that I will always be everything that I can for you, and that everything I do is really for you.
There is so much that I want for you. I want you to be yourself, find out who you are, and know that what you have does not define you, but rather you define it. I want you to be loud and proud about everything you are passionate about. I want you to run and feel the earth between your toes, and the power behind your muscles when you kick a soccer ball. I want to stand at that soccer game and watch a bunch of little kids run aimlessly in circles, and cheer for whatever you do. Maybe one day we can do a race together, when you’re bigger and stronger and I’m older and slower. You can lap me, and hopefully I won’t even have to let you win.
I want to show you the world, and I will bring you everywhere that I possibly can. Family vacations will be fun and exciting and be a mix of showing you new places and visiting our favorites. I promise to keep you an important part of my life, and I vow to not dump you on a babysitter every chance I get. I’ll proudly take you to whatever is appropriate for you to be. My experiences are our family’s and yours.
I don’t know how hard or easy the future is going to be for you. I hope that it’s not too much of either. We all need to learn to struggle a little, it’s good for our character. I’ll try my best to figure out how to let you struggle and figure it out. You, in turn, have to push and sweat and try. You have to work hard in order to get ahead in life. Work hard, I promise I’m watching. In return, I promise to love you in spite of what you can or cannot do. I’ll shower you with love and encouragement whenever you need.
All of this goes for Dada too. You know you’re his world too, right? You and him have this special bond that I have to admit makes me jealous sometimes. I know you love us both, though, I just really wish that I was your favorite. Somewhere I was promised a “mama’s boy”, and that turned in to “daddy’s boy”! I love you the same, either way.
I don’t have it all figured out, as I mentioned before. I am not perfect – I am far from it – and I never will be. My parents, their parents, etc, they weren’t perfect either but we loved them just the same because they worked hard for us and loved us, really loved us. It’s not always about doing it right. Sometimes it’s about hard work, love, and support. I will always work hard for you. You need to be patient with me as I am patient with you.
Above all, my dear son, I love you with all of my being. I adore you. I was made for you. My heart was waiting for you to arrive. You have taught me the meaning to life, and the purpose behind mine. For that I am forever grateful.
I love you.