Marathon training is well underway. In fact, we are about halfway there. Many of us are really in the swing of things, with our long runs now over the half marathon (13 mile) length. Guys, it’s getting serious. We are mentally and physically breaking down, only to hope to be rebuilt. It. Is. Tough.
Yesterday I ran 13 miles in the evening, which is so not my norm but all I could do while Josh was away. Thankfully my mom and dad live close by, but they are both busy during the day. I was really looking forward to the change of pace: a sunset run, instead of a sunrise run. I actually slept in and enjoyed the day, taking the man to both the beach and the pool before a long afternoon nap for both of us.
So let’s start with my 13 mile breakdown. It all began at my normal spot, one end of the boardwalk. Here’s my internal monologue, for your viewing pleasure. Read with caution. Also enjoy my painfully slow splits.
Mile 1: This beach is beautiful. The waves look so inviting. The beach is so nice at this time of night! 10:05
Mile 2: How did the first mile go so fast while this one is dragging? Oh hi friend I haven’t seen in a while! Sorry I can’t stop, I’m sure I look really attractive right now! 9:49
Mile 3: Running through crowds is no fun. I’ll stick to morning. Plus side: I have to pee and the bathrooms are open. I’ll stop in a mile or 2. 10:11
Mile 4: I am so hot and sweaty and salty. I forget how to run. I forget where I am. 10:15
Mile 5: Must. Find. Water. I stop and drink what must be a gallon from a fountain and feel like I’m being reborn. I gallop off into the sunset. 10:21
Mile 6: Part of this mile I have to run through the Asbury Park Convention Center, which is interesting in my slightly slow-brained state. I think about all the shopping at eating I could be doing here right now. 10:34
Mile 7: I hate everything. Why do I run? I finish this mile and stop, pee, and drink some water. I take a picture and silently cry. I google the number for a taxi to take me home. I eat a GU (which is disgusting) and drink another river of water. 10:35
Mile 8: Oh, this isn’t so bad! I like the sugar boost I got from the GU, and I feel hydrated again! I feel so light, free, and fast! 10:06
Mile 9: Hi another friend I haven’t seen in a while! No I can’t stop! Yes I look nuts and uncoordinated but I don’t care! Everything is wonderful! 10:08
Mile 10: Hell. I want to die. The salt is stinging my eyes. I stop for more water. Someone kill me. If I go to the bathroom, things will for sure come out of all of the ends of me, at the same time. Must keep going. Note to self: NO MORE GU 10:36
Mile 11: I’m tapping in to my mental reserves. My feet feel broken and I hate my shoes. Do it for Harry. Do it for all those who can’t do it. Just. Keep. Moving. 10:22
Mile 12: By now I am actually crying. I call my friend Liz with the intention of yelling at her about ditching me for this run that she was supposed to come on. I end up just whining and crying and run/walking. 12:24
Mile 13: I’ve never walked a mile in my run, but there’s a first for everything. These shoes MUST go. NO MORE GU. No more night runs. I will erase this run from my memory and start again another day.
So there you have it, friends. My awful mile-by-mile. It will be better, and yes, I did get through it. I for sure need new shoes, unfortunately. Benefit from my misery and at least have a good laugh. I’ve never been so close to having an “accident” on a run, and while I’m glad I didn’t, that would be a good addition to this story.