Confusion, Chaos

Often I go off blogging because I don’t want to deal with the emotions I’m having.  This latest hiatus has been exactly that, though blogging would probably be helpful to deal with my feelings.  To address the issue: nothing is really wrong.  There hasn’t been a diagnosis yet, Harry isn’t doing worse (he’s actually making some improvements), nothing bad is really happening.  I just simply feel lost, confused, and upset.

Harry wants to do what all of the other kids are doing.  He is an only child, so for the most part I shelter him at home in his known environment.  But imagine all the places we go where he sees and wants to play with kids his age.  Harry is instantly frustrated when he can’t do what the other kids are doing.  I don’t know how to motivate him to try and adapt, and we usually both end up at varying degrees of frustration.

Sometimes I feel like I’m failing him as a parent.  Sometimes I feel like I’m always upset about his disease, I’m just always hiding that emotion.  Forgive me for the dark clouds, but I’ve got to endure them some how.

We’ve gotten through everything this far, we so get through this too…I just wish I was looking back on it now and not living it.  I want to enjoy these precious years and I find myself praying for time to speed up.

On a good note: Harry is enduring tummy time and controlling his neck, walking more, using a sippy cup, and eating more (we are going through a lose weight phase). He’s adorable, smart, and loved.  Those are the important things.

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